☽ Hikari
A story ~ Hikari
[hikari means "light"]
When I was younger, I used to hate cliches. I didn't want to love like one, I didn't want to live in one, and I did anything to not become one. Weirdly enough, by aiming to not fit into a cliche, I was becoming one. Sure, I wanted to be anything but like other girls, but every girl wanted this too.
Admit it or not, every child in this world socialized by some sort of individualistic values aims to find some special characteristic in their bodies that they can utilize to set themselves apart from the rest...without of course being ostracized by society (as contradictory as that sounds). And it's true, I lived in that fantasy too. Though like all fantasies, it was bound to come disillusioned at some point...and it did.
There was a shadowy period of my life where I felt like an absolute failure because I couldn't find anything inherently noteworthy about myself that could put me on the map as a 'unique' female protagonist of some sort of indie YA novel. I was quirky, but so was everyone else. I was lonely, but so was everyone else. I had mental disorders, but so did a lot of other people. And I had interesting childhood experiences, but others did too.
(Yes, some young teenagers misguidedly glorify mental disorders…but please don’t do that. No one should aim to show their mental disorder as a status symbol, even if they wanna be “in”. Mental disorders should be improved on, not shown off.)
Amongst 7 billion people crammed on these sinking shores of land we scramble to inhabit, I was bound to find someone 'special' just like me. Literally, another person could come along, and perhaps not replace me, but definitely say that they live a life similar to mine. Consequently, since my story had the potential to be told within a seemingly plagiarized script written by someone else, I felt like I had nothing worthy to offer to the world. Or more so, I felt unworthy. Indeed, the sharp, icy blades of reality lynched me from all directions, splicing open my beating heart and dissected it until it bled out any possibility of imaginable functioning.
(Okay, okay, I get that's a morbid image, but I'd be lying if this part of my life wasn't as dark as that.)
Fast forward to now, and you might be asking, how did I move on from this shit hole? Well, I honestly can't sum it up in the span of a few sentences, or even paragraphs, but yeah, it took a ton of work. Not to mention that I met many kind souls who took my hand and helped me along the way, to which now I consider them close friends. Each and every single one of them has been a ray of light that shining through the cavernous hollows in my defenestrated heart, playing an integral role in slowly tinkering it back together again. And sure, my heart doesn't look the same was as it was before, but that's okay, I'm a much better person now because of it.
So, what have I learned (and are continuing to learn) from this experience?
Firstly, cliches are perfectly okay. Sure, they're not all true. But, many of them can become true in the most unexpected and interesting ways. Although, it's usually until way after it becomes true that you realize that it is so.
Secondly, yes, the fact is that I'm as special as everyone else is. This doesn't mean that I'm not special but that, I'm not going to be more special than my neighbour is.
Sure, my current progress could be owed up to some sort of spell of inherent characteristics bubbling inside of me, but it doesn't take credit for all of the progress I've made so far. I'd say it takes about 10% of the cake really.
20% I'd say goes to the privileges I got--a stable home life, loving parents, good friends and financial support.
And the remaining 70% goes to deciding on good choices despite the temptations of bad ones, to honing in on certain professional fields of life rather than others, and to working my ass off despite crying many days and weeks at a time.
If that's not something to be proud of, then I don't know what is.
Finally, I learned that there's a lot of people who say you have to "compete" with everyone else in a one-for-all world, but as we grow up, we all go on our own paths eventually. So, you don't have to go at anyone's pace, except yours.
In fact, you don't even have to know what your more experienced peers know right now, because, your experience will build over time, just as long as you keep moving forward--at whatever pace you prefer to move. I believe it's better not to take in everything at once and overwhelm yourself; people are more productive when they focus on one thing at a time actually.
Now, I am speaking with some glint of rosy-coloured, idealistic hope--I get that. But near the end of it all, what you'll reminisce on the most is the time you had to savour every moment with the ones you care about, not the times you locked yourself in a cage with the vices of status, comparisons and greed. The 'lone wolf' who's so exceptional that they tower above them all only exists in a life without any light. Real life is only spent with sincere people, not without them.
✿'."Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ".'✿
While listening to this song:
You could look at.....a dear memory in your life where you not only felt loved, but could love other people...even if it was just for a minute.
You could be with.....well, those magnificent people who make you happy, of course.
You could do something.....like give a gift, say a sincere complement or show your gratitude to these people. It doesn't matter if it's on a special occasion or not.
You could eat or drink.....gummy bears, Starburst, or Sour Patch Kids.
You could remember that.....you are the bees knees my darling <3 Just take a deep breath...then another one...and take it one day at a time.
[Secret Story of a Song]
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