☽ People Scare Me
A story ~ People Scare Me
"Sometimes to get to God, first you gotta meet the devil."
--"People Scare Me" lyrics from Epik High
My life is beautiful.
I don't have the most money or the most friends.
I don't have the best social skills or a perfect past.
I don't have the mind of an oracle or the prophecy of a disciple.
I don't have a partner, I don't have followers and I don’t have a title.
I have loneliness perching on my shoulder while striking these keystrokes in my room.
I get high off the musk of slippery air whispering tunes of nooks filled with fireflies and willows yet to bloom.
I have this album of a life I wish I never had, but am afraid to lose. Where the most important memories are absent of their evidence except when I recall them.
By sleeping peacefully in this room, i never shared my point of view. How can I be hurt if I don’t give the evil anything to hurt me with?
I know. I am sensitive, it's true.
But the only reason I became a recluse is the same reason people degrade into savages. I am no different than you.
Hear our spirits in pain, up at 8am every day.
The puppeteer behind the curtain has finally met its match.
But for the sake of the devil’s advocate:
When one's heart is on their sleeve, the next dagger will have a chance to split it right open. No one ever said survival means a person has to play the rules fairly.
Though if you cage that heart between the hollowed ribs of your chest, it'll never see the light of day. Not a living soul, not even your own, will remember the shadow of its existence.
Do you know what happens when what is living is given no light?
The day that I decided my heart needed to be put back where it came, was the day that it died.
Why is life this way? Why must we suffer in order to love each other?
Without suffering, there would be no reason to reach out. Without problems, there would be no reason to make solutions. Do you really believe that a self-sufficient utopia for each and every being would make us need each other? We live from the scraps of necessity more than we think we do.
My sensitive one,
I'm gravely sorry for raising my voice at you.
Here, lay your head on my chest; you can cry with me. Cry here until there are no tears left to cry.
When we are in pain don’t be afraid of what you feel. Because what is grief if not the heart persevering*?
Problems upon problems, it's intertwined with our nature. It is hard to understand others when no one seems to understand you. That’s why we bow down to survival more than the whims of idealism.
However, the point of it all isn’t to cure the world’s vices. Leave that for another day, right now is where our mind is.
The point is to make a choice to be more than where you came from.
The point is to take a chance despite your exposure to the dagger.
/././././\.\.\.\.\
While listening to this song:
You could look at.....the news online. Look at all of the current events causing so much turmoil around the world. It feels quite overwhelming, isn't it?
You could be with.....yourself, or others. Whatever floats your boat.
You could do something.....that makes you reflect on the goals for your life. What are the things in your life that give it purpose? If there's so much suffering, why do you decide to live right now?
You could eat or drink.....I like chewing on a piece of beef jerky whenever I think about the nature of human existence.
You could remember that.....choose your battles because you don't have the answers to everything. Then tackle them one step at a time. Remember, that there are other people who are fighting their own unique battles alongside you. We all suffer together, even if we put up boundaries between each other. Although, the universality of such suffering, is often why more pain must be endured to eventually tear down such boundaries.
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