☽ The Truth
A story ~ The Truth
{Broken Pieces | part 1}
"In the end...it was alright."
Have you ever had moments where you thought to yourself.."Why did I say those things?" "Why did I write those things?" Or you might've even thought, "Why didn't I do anything?"
Those moments must be hard, huh?
It is a seed planted into the crux of your heart; the self-resentment infesting within you. It is a stream of hot, piercing tears during a walk you decided to take. It is a sleepless night turned into a hair-dishevelled morning. It is what the laymen call, regret.
To live one's life until now, feeling like you wish you could've done things differently, but not being able to have a time machine to fix it is not something that one should keep to oneself. Although that is easier said than done.
It is hard to realize while we are scattered across a plethora of complicated itineraries that the seed that was planted is growing and what's watering it is silence. If there's anything worse than what happened back then it is harbouring these feelings you have and pretending like it isn't hurting you the next day.
I cannot speak for every person on Earth though, that's true. I can only speak for myself. And until recently, I couldn't live with anything else but regret. I had days where I wondered if my life would be happier if my past was different. I had days where I thought that I'd rather suffer from insomnia than tell a living soul about my secrets. And I had a day where I thought that, if I just left this Earth...then would all of this suffering end?
Well no, it wouldn't.
As much as I wanted to hide my secrets in order to spare my loved ones from this immense burden, I'd only transfer the pain I felt in my own life to them.
That's why I am thankful that I realized it's better to honestly share my suffering with others rather than deceptively keep it from them.
In fact, suffering is inevitable, whether we'd like to accept that or not. It just is. But if we share our suffering amongst ourselves, then we can ease the pain of other people, and other people can do the same for us. Bad memories will always exist but because of this, good ones can be shared too.
The truth is, it is okay to be broken. It's okay to have scars that run so deep within you that you can't hide them anymore.
Hell, so many others have seen me mess up in public because I can't hide the fact that I haven't had the best past. My scars are scrawled across my skin like tattoo ink. Even when I attempt to conceal them it just makes me look awkward.
Yes, for you, perhaps back then was so traumatic that you could never face it again, so you concealed it. Now the seed inside of you is only growing more and more because you are hurting yourself for the sake of others. But please...don't do that.
If you handle all of this suffering by yourself, will only cause the seed to grow vines that'll suffocate you to your grave. It will eat you from the inside out and eventually after you pass, it will spread to others around you.
As painful as the memories were back then, they already happened. You can't change that. It doesn't matter how much was your fault, I'm sorry, but you can't.
The only way you can save others is if you save yourself first. The you that you are right now is enough. You may regret your actions back then, but you don't need to regret them now--you don't deserve that.
You are more than what happened back then.
You wouldn't exist right now if you weren't.
»»————- ✼ ————-««
While listening to this song:
You could look at.....a rainstorm that is about to end.
You could be with.....yourself, or someone who you are sharing your struggle with right now.
You could do something.....that helps you listen to the part of you that is hurting.
You could eat or drink.....a meal/drink that comforts you in the worst of times.
You could remember that.....Suffering is such an uncomfortable experience, but moments of suffering mark some of the most important times in our lives. We suffer the most when there's something we need to confront.
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