☽ Glass Bead
A story ~ Glass Bead
--"Glass Bead" translated lyrics from Color Coded Lyrics
[Diary entry: 30/06/2021]
High school, as many would know, is an extremely tumultuous time. You gotta think about dates, friends, grades, future careers, parents' expectations, and the impending shadow of adulthood looming over our free will. Yeah existentialism aside, it really is just a culmination of too many expectations piling on top of each other. Pop culture says that it's the last moments of youth, parents say it's the boss battle where you gotta get your slack together and there you are, stuck in the middle; you're throwing out decisions like you think you know what you're doing...but let's face it, you really don't know. Bad choices, great times, amirite?
Sure, I've made it to 16 years old not really caring about being popular, or about the latest trends, or even the fact I made cringe Facebook posts that I forgot my family could see. I had values, and I kept them consistent for quite a while. I was focused on my grades (and only my grades), which is alright because that taught me discipline. In a way, it even taught me to mature faster as well.
But, imagine working your ass off till the end, only to realize that you had no idea why you worked so hard. You sacrificed years with friends and quit too many hobbies. You spent papercut blood, armpit sweat and salty tears over two-digit scores on mountains of final exams, and for what? What was the point of suffering so much if it isn't what you want? Do you even know what you want? Do you even know who you're doing this for?
Do you even know who you are?
As a result, my experience focused solely on discovering my self-concept outside of being a "good student". I experimented with different clubs (well, sort of), established a cool, new group of friends (with whom I'm seeing today) and even underwent extensive therapy for my perfectionism. But most significantly, I discovered Kpop music, and thus, my love for GFriend.
Now, I'm not going to waste my time convincing you to stan GFriend (of which you absolutely should), because the fact is that this isn't what this post is about. But, I will tell you about how finding something that I loved so much helped shape who I am today.
Like, for example, it was quite difficult being the only known person out of my friend group to stan GFriend while the rest of them gushed over BTS. It's cool that other people liked Kpop at that time, true, but I've had friends tell me that GFriend was just "not for them" and that shut down conversation pretty easily. :')
I will say though, that GFriend's music is pretty niche, so I don't have anything against them, but it encouraged me to hide my musical interests more than express them. An unfortunate side effect, I guess.
But, I'd say the biggest effect GFriend has had on me was that it helped me embrace a side of myself I never knew I had; the side of myself that you see splattered all over this blog. It is indeed a very soft, adorable, and tender side of my heart.
Though, before getting to this point, I needed to learn two things:
Firstly, showing flaws is okay, in fact, doing it with your friends is great because it helps you grow. GFriend was really good at opening up amongst themselves and I could see that it improved their choreography, singing and friendship. When they finally left Source Music, their music agency at the time, they did so unanimously. That moment solidified the huge significance of their friendship for me. Unlike too many other groups, no one was left behind in their agency. They all started together, and they all left together.
[Side note: Just because some group members decide to stay with the agency and some decide to leave, doesn't mean the group's friendship is any less significant.]
Secondly, it's okay to be sensitive, actually, it is courageous. GFriend's debut song "Glass Bead" along with tracks like "Flower Garden" and "You are not alone" (plus more) showed me that being vulnerable is admirable. Each song allowed them to harness power from showing their true feelings, not be destroyed by their own efforts. A lot of their music has to do with finding self-fulfillment, rather than just romance and I appreciated that. Even when GFriend's concept was not objectively as popular as many other groups who had the same run-time as they did, they seemed to really adore their soft concepts as much as their girl crush ones, and it just made me love them even more.
In society, it's easier said than done to show vulnerability to other people. When one thinks about social interaction, they think about making it as smooth as possible so that the other person will approve of us. So yeah, I was against exposing any emotional "weakness" as much as the next person was. I wanted to fit in, and I wanted to do it well. High school definitely didn't make it any easier too since teens tend to show a persona to prove that they're "not like everyone else". And to top it off, I had developed social anxiety, which just made the flavour of this cake even sourer.
As a result, I would be lying if I didn't say that I would not have a blog like this if I never found GFriend. I would also not have friends if I didn't have GFriend, nor would I be able to open up to my parents. Like okay, it's just a group of 6 strangers from Korea who have never met me before. Yet, just by being themselves and making wonderful music, they were able to change a life, in fact, millions of lives. It sounds quite dramatic, but I think considering how lost I was back then, I really think it's true.
GFriend really doesn't owe me anything and they never will. But they have done so much for me and I am thankful that they existed. I really, really am.
🦊🐥🐰🐶🐱🐹
While listening to this song:
You could look at.....well, any sort of glass sculpture. A diamond could work too. Or even just yourself in the mirror.
You could be with.....yourself under a big, blue sky of possibilities, along with a slight breeze. That's usually the setting for the stereotypical GFriend song. Bonus if you get a grassy field or beach in there.
You could do something.....like listen to some GFriend songs? (hehe)
You could eat or drink.....a milkshake or bubble tea :) They are refreshing, soothing, and sweet.
You could remember that.....take this from someone who suffered GFriend's disbandment. All things must come to an end eventually so, don't be sad because it's over, be happy that it happened.
Artist: GFriend :)
[Secret Story of a Song]
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