☽ Nevertheless,
A story ~ Nevertheless
There are moments when I feel like I am being left behind sometimes.
Each instance is like a camera lens zooming out to focus; they appear quite insignificant someone else, but when I'm suspended for those brief seconds, time moves slower than its supposed to.
Imminently before I typed this, I felt this feeling again.
I was listening to this song, the one I'm suggesting to you now, and I was wide-eyed and mesmerized by it. Next thing you know, my mom, who's sitting in the living room just feet away from me, reports to me that it's time to go to bed, picks up her phone, dusts off the couch, cleans up her cup and slips away from my sight in a blink of an eye.
I felt, in a way, quite sad about this.
Right then, I was submerging my heart from the top to the bottom in the navy blue ocean of such beauty, and suddenly, I have to just snap out of it?
It never fails to leave me breathless.
I always find myself asking: Why does something so beautiful have to end so quickly? Can't I just enjoy it for a little while longer?
In the past, when I felt these moments, I actually used to believe that there was something wrong with me.
Whenever I went somewhere, I wanted to enjoy every sunrise, relish in every smile, observe every individual, and watch the clouds pass by. But, everyone else zipped and zapped like neon streaks on a highway at midnight. They never stopped moving with their hoodies up and heads down; they slip away before I even have a chance to see their faces.
Then again, the moments that I zone out are quite discrete. No one really notices them as much as I do, and it's not the easiest phenomenon to describe to a person.
On the contrary, everyone takes a break eventually. At odd moments, I've caught my fellow uni classmates sitting alone in plastic chair peering out the window--and yes, I do wonder about what is buzzing inside of their heads. But, even those moments are rare to find for me.
Nevertheless, I personally take long baths in the waters of life while everyone else takes quick showers, so for a while, I was insecure that I could never keep up with others.
Society taught me that it runs its competition like clockwork, and it stops for no one. Those who can survive in this world are able to make swift and precise moves to dodge the bullets, but I could never seem to move fast enough in time.
I always needed more time to read an article, I was worse at multitasking, I was constantly distracted by something other than work, I habitually daydreamed, I took longer to eat, I spoke slower and softer, I took longer walks outside and I definitely needed more breaks than other students.
For a while, yes, I faked it till I made it. I pretended like I could keep up with the competition for a while (this resulted in a whack load of social anxiety later on). Though, I stopped after learning that being a race car wasn't who I was, nor, was it who I wanted to be.
Not too long ago, I told my best friend that often, I feel sad. I never told her why, obviously, but yeah.
My heavy heart could carry mountains for these brief seconds of beauty, but they always have to slip away faster than the wind.
I always wonder, why is it that when I give all of my love, the love that it returns is never, really permanent?
In fact, I gained an interest in photography because I wanted to capture these moments where time seemed to slow down. Though, no matter how many photos I can take, I'm never going to savour each moment, in real life, again.
The good news is, I'm gradually learning that what you love doesn't have to die as long as it lives in the hearts that are left behind.
The smile of my best friend. The sunset on a warm summer afternoon. The hypnotism of an alluring song. The nostalgia of going to a movie theatre and eating my favourite McNuggets. The laughter of my friends during a near-chaotic birthday party. And, the hugs of my family and friends, are all moments that live in my heart, right now.
Nevertheless, to my friends, family, and every fleeting moment I've ever witnessed:
Thank you for giving me the gift of your time, despite how short it is for both of us.
Just, thank you really, for existing.
(◡‿◡✿)~
While listening to this song:
You could look at.....any moment that you choose that was significant to you, and gave you such joy.
You could be with.....yourself.
You could do something.....to help you remember the precious feelings you had during that moment. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and transport yourself through time to that moment. Imagine that you are re-watching it in slow motion.
You could eat or drink.....daifuku.
You could remember that.....if you are able to sit down, be in the present moment for a few seconds, and realize how short life is to not give it up--then you have just experienced the best damn thing in human existence...in my opinion.
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