☽ GRWM
A story ~ GRWM
[GRWM means "get ready with me"]
"The world may not be happy, but if you dream, there would be lots of things to laugh about."
--Yuju (link)
For my 21st birthday, I received a jar of complements as a gift from my friends and I still remember it like it was yesterday. Opening its lid the first time was like playing the crack, sizzle, pop combo of carbonated soda--the anticipation sang so sweetly in my ears.
As I swirled around the spaghetti strips of printer paper through my fingers, picked each complement out one by one and laid them on my carpet, I noticed that a great deal of them had something in common. I'm apparently seen as a very optimistic person, even if I have never thought of myself in that way before.
Sitting on the floor of my living room that day, I tilted my head to the side and wondered: "Why would my friends think I'm a positive person?"
In my head, I flittered down a list of possible traits I give off that might contribute to this interesting illusion I concocted, to which, I didn't even know the recipe to.
I don't remember being fond of myself very much during that time, and I don't recall having a 'positive' outlook on life. Occasionally, if I felt like it, I'd just shrimp up on the floor of my living room and cry out all my sadness until I was shrivelled and dry.
In the end, the only answer I could come up with was:
"I don't know, it's just what others think of me, I guess."
And for a while I left it at that.
Recently though, I decided to give it another shot at voyaging through this perplexing jar once again.
Of course, the same complements slipped out of the jar, and I smiled again at the thought that my friends actually took time to type these down on a document that they secretly coveted amongst themselves.
And of course, the same perplexing question from before re-appeared like a bunny out of a hat.
However, this time, I think I was more prepared to solve the riddle.
Many times, I do smile and complement in order to hide my feelings, but I think that people see me as optimistic because I think I am optimistic.
But it's not just out of choice, I'm optimistic out of necessity.
What does this mean for me?
Well, I think on a surface level, optimism is a coping mechanism for me. I'm very aware of the fact that I act impulsively on my feelings more than anything. I know what formal logic and planning looks like, but I'm so overwhelmed by my emotions, that I end up being quite clumsy when executing any sort of strategy. I'm bad at playing games because the stimulation from the noises, movements and visuals knocks me off guard so I button-smash instead.
Even when I know that there is a standardized way to efficiently solve a problem, or do any other sort of task, I can only process and perform things at a very slow speed. I am a tortoise who can't rush, unlike the hare. Being optimistic though has made me realize that everyone goes at their own pace. Being a person who is slow and clumsy affords me the opportunity to learn a ton every day, even if I'm criticized constantly for not having known something sooner. It makes me a stronger person.
If one examines my interests, I think many of them give off very 'positive' vibes. For instance, I've briefly mentioned my love for stuffed animals before. They always make me feel happy because they are so soft, and they never do harm to me. I can name them and give them personalities too. Being with them reminds me that something as gentle as them can have a place in this world, so it's okay for me to be gentle and soft.
Also, I've written a blog entry before about my undying devotion to GFriend, whose songs are very heartfelt, sentimental and oftentimes, cute. Take one glance at GFriend's discography, and most of their lyrics talk about hope, love and trust. This song in particular, GRWM, speaks about being 'dressing oneself up' everyday for the mundane things in life that are worth living for, like family, friends, and whatnot.
Lastly, in terms of what I choose to believe in, I choose to be optimistic because it’s a way to turn chaos' intentions on its head. Life is a topsy-turvy top of uncertainty swaying from side-to-side, but I encourage others to keep going (instead of saying nothing) because uncertainty is an opportunity that brings stress and the capacity for humans to lend out a helping hand.
In fact, 'courage' etymologically means, "to do something with one's whole heart", and usually what triggers courage is uncertainty. I guess, I just keep on saying positive things to people because if I don't the dark hole that they might fall into may be one that never ends; you never really know what people are going through, so it's better to encourage them to keep persisting.
Obviously, I'm not the only person who thinks optimistically though, or has had glimpses of optimism in their life. There are many other people out there who think positively, but they do it in their own way. I think finding hope is a very personal journey that is catered to the individual. It's better to think of the glass as half full, but I also believe that everyone's metaphorical "glass" is shaped and sized differently.
If others are trying to give you hope through what they think is right, and it doesn't work for you, then that's okay. What gives you hope is not identical as what gives your friend hope; one-size indeed does not fit all. In order to keep living, it's not only hope that we have to find, but finding what uniquely gives you hope is what is necessary.
To be honest, this world is constantly changing, and none of us know for certain what challenges we may face along the way. What gives you hope might evolve over time and that's okay. In fact, on a macro-scale, what gives the next generation hope will evolve beyond our generation's definitions of hope right now because of new knowledge that will arise.
I encourage you to not be discouraged. No matter how slow or fast you walk the hallways of your life, it is okay to take life at your own pace. It is okay to make mistakes because next time you can learn from them and it is okay to be optimistic about your dreams, no matter how hopeless to others they may seem.
୨୧( ์ ᴗ ์ )୨୧
While listening to this song:
You could look at.....an array of houses with their lights open during the middle of the night
You could be with.....anyone.
You could do something.....like wonder about why they have their lights on so late? Is it because they're drinking? Watching tv? Studying? Something else? Why do you think people continue to persist on things so late into the night? What thoughts do you think are keeping them awake?
You could eat or drink.....whatever food or drink makes you motivated, or delighted.
You could remember that.....I'm not sure what funky direction the world is going either, but I'm going to dance and sing along the way. I'm also not sure where I'll end up in 10 years, let alone be certain if I'll be able to make the deadline for my graduate school applications ><
However, as said from the football star Colin Kaepernick, who experienced a ton of unfair, unwanted shit in his life, but made it: "What you start out as, is not necessarily what you become."
Artist: GFriend
[Secret Story of a Song]
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