☽ Sampai Jadi Debu
A story ~ Sampai Jadi Debu
[sampai jadu debu = "until it turns to dust"]
Here lies the hint of a simple answer:
Tucked within blankets of the thicket pine trees as far as the eye can see, inertia settles over the small highway town. While standing on a strip of cement, you marvel at the stillness of the present which infuses with your being.
An intersection of traffic lights blinking like fireflies who have just awoken.
A web of electrical wires between the lights weaves the silhouette of a quilt strewn together by lowly threads.
The painted sky exhaling the emotions of an artist's hand.
A purple overcast with twinkling starry eyes fading into wistful magenta hues.
Suddenly, the mountains of the west send a magnificent swirl of frigid, hollow air. Your fingers nimbly gnaw at the edges of your sweater as you conceal them in the toasty caves of your sleeves. A familiar impatience overcomes the howling wind that whistles for every window to open and prickles every nook and cranny for a house invite.
"Why, what a mischievous thing, that wind is" you recall.
Surely, such a superfluous gust of air has traversed almost everywhere and eavesdropped on almost everyone. Yet, it still comes back to this inconspicuous abode for more. Frankly, small town news is quite a phenomenon to behold; even in the awe of wilderness, people still find a way to frequent themselves in the excitement of a new haircut or a weird neighbour.
From your small slice of the intersection, you marvel at how fast the sky changes when you're lost in thought. Now you've noticed how twilight is only minutes from losing its grasp on today. It's like you're at the edge of a cliff and the sunlight is hanging just by the threads of your fingertips. The last drop of hope shivering at the edge of the overwhelming vortex about to consume it.
As imminent as this is, this is what life is. All that is precious must be taken away, because it wouldn't be precious if otherwise. Time is not the enemy, it simply just is.
As you close your eyes, you inhale for the duration it takes to cross the street. You feel the cold air flood your lungs, then every cavern and cavity inside you. Once all that air had latched onto the last inch of tension that has withheld you, you let a gradual exhale go from your body.
Finally, you blink your eyes open.
On the first second, of the first minute, on the first hour of tomorrow, you have found yourself again.
Not long before, you were quenched in the thirst of such profound sorrow, but now, it's all but a memory.
It's funny how we think having emotions and thoughts means that they become us. But really, we aren't our emotions nor our thoughts. They come and go as they please, and you can observe them without even interacting with any of them.
But, if you are neither a thought nor an emotion as much as you aren't a hand nor an eye, then what are you?
During yesterday, today and tomorrow,
You were Awareness, you are Awareness, and you will be Awareness.
The Awareness of your thoughts, emotions, body and surroundings, that is.
The Awareness of your existence on this Earth.
The Awareness of a singular, present moment.
And, you will always be patiently waiting, until you choose to find yourself again.
(๑˘︶˘๑)
While listening to this song:
You could look at.....the final moments of sunlight in a place unobstructed by (many) people. Perhaps a traffic intersection, even.
You could be with.....yourself, preferably.
You could do something.....wait patiently to cross the street. Take a deep breath while you wait. Observe your surroundings. Just notice you, in this stillness, existing.
You could eat or drink.....nothing really, but if you must drink something, drink it slowly.
You could remember that.....mindfulness doesn't aim to make you relaxed, that's just the helpful side-effect of it. Mindfulness is about noticing--noticing your thoughts and your emotions, as congested as they may be, and letting them flow through you without judgement. Mindfulness is about being conscious to one moment only, the present moment.
[Secret Story of a Song]
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